Writing Tagalog Poetry on My Way to Adulthood

Writing My Dream

As a kid, I was asked the classic question countless times: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' It was a question that stuck with me through different stages of my life. The possibilities were endless, but the future felt distant.

When I started school, the question took on more meaning. Influences from family, friends, and TV shaped my ideas of what I could become. In my teens, what I wanted to be when I grew up became more urgent. I wanted to figure out my strengths and weaknesses to get a clearer picture of what I could achieve. Early in my junior year, I realized I wasn't cut out for sports like volleyball, too shy for the stage, and not coordinated enough for games or dance. Even though I was mostly an introvert and loved to scribble, what I wanted to become remained unclear.

A Grace Encounter in a Tagalog Poem

In high school, I passed a poem written in Filipino to my teacher, who submitted it to the school paper. The paper published the poem, titled 'Kapalaran' (or 'Fate'), and that was the first byline that hinted at a future career. Years later, I would cite this first published poem at least twice.

Once, in a Creative Non-Fiction essay recounting my spiritual journey, I used it as a testament to God's grace. With no experience in book editing, I worked as one for thirteen years, thanks to God's ushering me into writing, from a time in my youth that gave me this unexpected opportunity.

The second time I referenced 'Fate' was in the introduction to my dissertation. The paper was a compilation of the poems I'd written and rewritten for over three decades, starting with this first rhymed verse from my junior high school days.

Segue into Filipino Theater

At sixteen, I was the literary editor of 'Advocate,' the college school paper. A wordy Tagalog essay I submitted in a competition landed me a reporter position. In the early 1980s, I was drawn to the prestige associated with having 'intellectual' friends. Our hangout was the 'press room,' and our buzzword was 'press freedom.' However, I failed to cover significant current events. Always apathetic and apolitical, I focused on writing poems and essays about my love life and absent father.

My poetics lacked intellectual stimulation until I joined a theater group and befriended stage performers. Suddenly, the teledramas of the time became relevant to my literary education. Theater people were always conscious of dialogue and observed narratives in various settings.

But my poetry took a backseat as I watched and cried over the struggles of little Romnick Sarmenta in 'Gulong ng Palad,' agonized over Julie Vega's discrimination in 'Analisa,' and sympathized with Janice De Belen's misfortunes in 'Flordeluna.' In Philippine pop culture at the time, Sharon Cuneta and Maricel Soriano reigned as teen idols and superstars. Among theater friends, we loved quoting long melodramatic lines from their movies.

While I enjoyed the freedom of expression in the arts, I merely dabbled in whatever was available. One thing remained constant: I wrote about myself all the time, scribbling my thoughts in my diaries..

Constant Companion in All-Language Musings

I remember burning one diary that recorded an intense crush and throwing away another that chronicled a love story that didn't have a happy ending. There was a series of record books with red spines, dated according to the moments they covered. One long notebook was dedicated to my years as an English teacher, filled with lesson plans, reading, writing, lectures, and research. My boarding house years were documented in an assortment of spring notebooks with some torn pages.

As I became more aware of the requirements of good, publishable writing, my diaries became messier. My notebooks, once simply storage for memories, now served as worksheets for my drafts. One notebook was for brainstorming ideas, another for devotions and prayers, and a small notepad for my poems, to keep track of my attempts. The poetry notebook, filled with drafts and erasures, testifies to the persistence of my desire to write poems.

Not Guilty of Not Writing

I've been a recorder of wisdom from my life experiences. Some wisdom remains abstract and requires a structured poem for its final expression. While not actively involved in causes like environmental preservation or world peace, I've often pondered the subject matter of my final poems. Every story filtered from my experiences has eluded a precise language and voice.

Although I've written extensively, I haven't published a book, which makes a significant difference in self-affirmation. I write poems in Tagalog, but my other works aren't poetry. In this late stage of my writing journey, I've been working on two plays (one finished, one unfinished), a short romance novel in Filipino, two YA novels (one English, one Filipino), a novel in Tagalog (part one only), at least four short stories in Tagalog, an unfinished musical in Filipino, poems in Tagalog (only a few published), poems in English, essays, and journals.

Writing has never stopped, but I wanted a firm grasp of what I've recorded so far. So, I collected my favorite poems. The published chapbook is titled 'Hugos,' roughly meaning 'Footprints.' The subtitle 'Street Song' or 'Awit ng Lansangan' captures the essence of every poem I've been trying to write all these years.

Compile your poems in an Anthology of Personal Verses

Let the poet introvert come forth. An anthology of your poems is more than just a collection; it's a tangible reflection of your soul.

Revisit the past. Scroll through your notepads, digital files, and dig the forgotten scraps of paper where your thoughts and emotions first took shape. You might uncover hidden patterns, recurring themes, and the evolution of your mind and spirit, as you go back to these records.

Be vulnerable and honest. Some poems are too raw, too personal, or too intimate. Your choices will significantly influence how readers perceive and experience your work.

Your poetics matter. You will not be only sharing your poems, but also offering a glimpse into your writing process. This self-reflective journey can be deeply fulfilling. Compile your poems today.